10/22/2009
I was reaching...
...the very edge of even my considerable limits. I was about to give up.
There was such pain and loneliness I've never felt in my entire life. That I didn't know was possible to feel.
I finally asked her point blank for forgiveness. I've idly asked for it in the past numerous times, but she's always ignored the request. Her response was brief and pointed, but she did in fact forgive me.
There was no relief. Only a sense of release. And not a sweet one.
And then today, at 6:17am my time, she texts me. I almost don't hear it in my sleep, but somehow I do.
And she says what I needed to hear. What I was starting to believe she'd never say. She even tells me that I never needed forgiveness. I did, for some of the awful things I said to her in my heartbreak and pain, but the fact she said anything like that to me shows me just how different and how special she really is.
She said she's finally made peace with the reality of everything. It doesn't mean she's A-Ok. But she has made peace. And that's the leap forward I've been waiting and hoping for. It's the step towards overcoming the past and moving on with the present and into the future.
And for all you faithless fuckstains that whine and cry like little bitches, that can't handle my life or have no idea what it means to love someone with all your heart and soul...
Sit and spin you heartless cowards.
Song of the Day - I Want To Know What Love Is by Foreigner
idontpretend at 6:55 A.M.
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